


That Dress Makes Me Want to Kill You

by MistakenValkyrie



Series: The Journey of Bhunivelze's Chosen [1]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII, Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempt at Humor, Clothes Shopping Fic, Crossover, Crossover Pairing, F/M, Skimpy Outfits and Sass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-05
Updated: 2016-10-05
Packaged: 2018-08-19 16:54:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8217805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistakenValkyrie/pseuds/MistakenValkyrie
Summary: Sephiroth and Lightning decide to take a break from saving people's souls after a particularly interesting time in Yusnaan. Thanks to a certain garb Lightning received from the Chocobo Girls, she drags him off to an Outfitters so that they can laugh about how ridiculous it is. After getting distracted by trying on a few other outfits, one eventually comes along that Sephiroth absolutely despises.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by a certain DLC outfit available in Lightning Returns as well as an experience at work and I couldn't resist writing this. This was to be part of a much larger fic, but I decided to do this instead. I might make it a small series of short stories instead. 
> 
> I do not own anything from Lightning Returns or Final Fantasy VII.

The Divine City of Light looked even more grimy and eerie at night. The streets were lit up by the soft yellow glow that came from the street-lanterns. The black and white checkered tiles were covered in dust and dirty footprints from the countless people that walked across them. Luxerion’s citizens went about their daily lives as if the Chaos wasn’t slowly destroying the world. 

Lightning wandered out of the Northern Station with Sephiroth close behind her. 

The guard that was posted just outside the station failed to notice them. Chocolina, however, made a big spectacle of herself as she tried to get Lightning’s attention in order to congratulate her on fulfilling people’s prayers. 

Sephiroth watched Lightning turn her head away from the loud, scantily clad woman and quietly chuckled to himself, he found the Saviour’s distaste for the woman amusing. 

Hope had been chattering through their earpieces during the train ride from Yusnaan and was continuing to do so now. 

Usually, Sephiroth tuned it out, the conversations Hope and Lightning had never concerned him anyway. This one was different, so much had happened in Yusnaan that it was impossible not to discuss the weirder aspects of the city. 

‘I can’t believe that the Chocobo Girls give out garbs as well as fireworks,’ Sephiroth said. 

‘Well, they do. The only problem is that the garb they gave me looks ridiculous,’ Lightning replied. 

‘I’m having trouble picturing how ridiculous it would be, our ideas of ridiculous might be completely different,’ Sephiroth said. 

‘Of course they would be. You think that your hair is glorious, but everyone else thinks it’s ridiculous,’ Hope chimed through their earpieces.   
Lightning smirked. 

The corner of Sephiroth’s lips twitched downwards as he huffed. 

‘Good one, Hope,’ Lightning said. 

Sephiroth frowned at her. 

‘At least my weapon is actually useful against enemies. When has a boomerang actually been of any use in combat?’ Sephiroth snapped. 

Lightning could practically hear Hope’s smug smile fall. 

‘Easy boys,’ Lightning said. 

‘You aren’t getting out of this one, Light. You’re just as ridiculous as the two of us. What person doesn’t know how to cook?’ Hope asked. 

‘That is a lie. I’ve already told you that I can cook steak damn well.’ 

‘Since you haven’t demonstrated that skill, I have to doubt you on that,’ Sephiroth replied and Lightning elbowed him in the arm. 

People stared at the Saviour and the One-Winged Angel and avoided them on the street. Small children clung to their mothers when they saw Sephiroth’s eyes and the sword on Lightning’s back. 

Lightning saw the way that Sephiroth hid behind his bangs and she tried to hide her frown from him. She could easily ignore the way people cowered around her. However, she couldn’t ignore how it seemed to bother Sephiroth. The Saviour didn’t realise that someone who had tried to destroy an entire planet multiple times could allow themselves to feel any sort of guilt or remorse for what they’ve done. 

Bhunivelze’s offer of redemption or destruction obviously wasn’t something Sephiroth planned to take lightly. Whether Zack, Genesis or Angeal’s reappearance into his life influenced this change of heart or not, she wasn’t sure. But compared to what she had heard about him from others, she found it hard to believe how someone who was so hell-bent on destroying all life could decide to try and redeem themselves by helping save people. 

Lightning shook her head to push the thought out of her mind, though she had punched him square in the jaw after he made a snide comment about the quality of the metal her blade was made of if magic could snap it, she didn’t wish to ask him about his motivations. 

Sephiroth followed Lightning around the plaza. 

The Saviour didn’t seem to have any plan as to what they would do in Luxerion, aside from saving people’s souls that is. Lightning stopped when she spotted an outfitters and smirked as an idea formed in her head. She grabbed his wrist and dragged him over to the store. 

‘What are you doing?’ Sephiroth asked. 

‘We have to kill time and I’m tired of Genesis making fun of my clothes. That and I have to show you how ridiculous that outfit is,’ Lightning replied and Sephiroth couldn’t help but to roll his eyes at her. 

‘Genesis can be very pedantic about fashion. You should try shopping with him sometime. Angeal will agree with me when I tell you that it is quite the ordeal,’ Sephiroth said. 

‘Shouldn’t you two be out helping people instead of looking at clothes?’ Hope inquired. 

‘It’s not exactly like you do much up in the Ark, Hope,’ Lightning said and Sephiroth tried not to crack a smile. 

‘Fine then, enjoy your shopping spree. Don’t mind me. I’ll be up here. Watching for more Chaos infusions,’ Hope said. 

They approached the front of the outfitters and the storekeeper leant against the counter. 

‘Hello, how can I help you?’ 

‘I’d like to take a look at some of your garbs,’ Lightning replied. 

‘Certainly, come through,’ the storekeeper said and led the two of them through. 

‘The racks are here and there’s the change room if you need it.’ 

‘Thanks,’ Lightning said and the storekeeper returned to the counter. 

Sephiroth sat down in the chair opposite the change room. 

Lightning unbuckled both her shield and her sword and she left them at Sephiroth’s feet. 

He crossed his arms and watched her as she turned her back to him and faced the racks. 

She pulled out hangers, but angled her body in a way that he wouldn’t be able to see what she had picked. 

‘I think I’ll show you the one I was talking about first,’ Lightning announced and disappeared behind a heavy velvet curtain. 

Sephiroth glared at a group of women who obnoxiously laughed as they sauntered past the outfitters with multiple bags in their hands. 

Clerics from the Order of Salvation walked past with their noses high in the air. 

Sephiroth tried to ignore their sneers as they continued through the plaza towards the cathedral.

Luxerion reminded him of Midgar, a dark and grimy city filled with people who cared only about themselves and what their gil would buy them. The people in Yusnaan were only different because they didn’t use devout piety to justify their interest in furthering their own success, even while the end of the world was almost upon them. The air was permeated with the rich aroma of coffee and fresh bread from the shops right through the open gate. 

He looked around and found that the shopkeeper was staring at him with a small smirk. 

‘I see you’ve found the spouse chair.’ 

‘The what?’ 

‘It’s a little joke. People who come with their significant others usually sit there.’ 

‘I was unaware of this. Perhaps Angeal and I should’ve evaluated our choices whilst shopping with Genesis,’ Sephiroth said.

He heard Lightning laugh from inside the change room. He smirked when he heard her merriment. 

Even with time to save everyone slowly running out, it was nice to catch a moment where the two of them could breathe and briefly ignore the fact that the world was counting on them. 

‘I don’t see you moving from that chair in a hurry after you learnt that,’ Hope chuckled. 

Sephiroth ignored Hope’s comment and avoided the amused eyes of the shopkeeper. 

He let out a small breath of relief when the shopkeeper turned around and served a few customers who showed up for late night shopping. 

‘Alright, here it is,’ Lightning announced and Sephiroth looked up as she stepped out of the change room. 

She couldn’t help but to smile as Sephiroth chuckled at the outfit. Her hands rested on her hips just above the leather belt that was almost as long as the red pleated skirt underneath it. A set of fluffy ears were nestled in her rose coloured hair. The puffy sleeves sat near the top of her bicep and were held up by a leather harness that sat around her armpits. A small leather bodice sat on top of an even smaller white bandeau. She wore a pair of black stay up tights that went up to her thighs with a pair of supple, tan ankle boots. The tail swayed behind her as she stepped forward and then turned around for him to inspect the whole outfit. 

Hope cackled into both of their earpieces.

‘That’s the garb they gave you?’ Sephiroth chuckled. 

‘Unfortunately, yes.’ 

‘The ears and the tail are a nice touch.’ 

‘Shut up, Sephiroth,’ Lightning said with a roll of her eyes. 

‘No, he’s right,’ Hope agreed. 

‘And here I was thinking that only one of you would be getting a punch in the face today,’ Lightning grumbled. 

Sephiroth got out of the chair and placed his gloved hands on her bare waist. He looked down at her with a lopsided grin and she glared up at him with a raised eyebrow. 

‘I think it would look better without the ears and the tail,’ Sephiroth said. 

‘Don’t you two dare kiss,’ Hope said. 

‘You don’t have to watch you know,’ Lightning quipped. 

‘Fine, keep playing dress-up with your deadly yes-man,’ Hope retorted. 

‘Fighting with the Rule of Valhalla in effect was not my idea,’ Sephiroth argued and Lightning gave him a few taps on the cheek with a smug smile. 

‘You agreed to fight on those terms and you lost. That’s how it works,’ Hope replied. 

‘Goodbye, Hope,’ Lightning said and removed her earpiece. 

Sephiroth removed his own earpiece and placed the both of them into the rucksack that Lightning had insisted on him carrying. 

‘Go try on another one,’ Sephiroth said. 

‘If you say so,’ Lightning replied and ran her thumb against his cheekbone. 

Sephiroth watched her turn and walk back into the change room. After the curtain was pulled across, he sat back down in the ‘spouse chair’ and waited for her to come out again. 

He looked around the store again and found a glass case with all sorts of glittering jewels and adornments made of precious metals. Sephiroth stood up and inspected the case. A few pieces caught his eye and made him wonder how they would look on the Saviour. He returned to the chair once she reappeared. 

He pursed his lips and raised an eyebrow as she stood before him in hardly anything except rather long thigh high tights, dark purple boots with many buckles and black lingerie with purple accents. He raised an eyebrow when he saw a set of devil ears on her head and a matching tail that hung limply behind her. 

‘What about this one?’ she asked. 

‘I see a pattern is emerging here,’ he noted. 

‘But what do you think of it?’ The smile on her lips was anything but innocent. 

‘I would not hesitate to let Genesis scold you for even thinking about saving people’s souls in that,’ he bluntly replied. 

‘I just wanted to see your reaction,’ Lightning said with a shrug. 

‘Next.’ 

Lightning rolled her eyes and shook her head at the One-Winged Angel before she retreated into the change room once more.

She came out of the change room again and Sephiroth couldn’t help but to chuckle. The black skivvy and loose cargo pants were paired with an all too familiar pauldron and a rather clunky gauntlet. The combat boots had a thin layer of white residue on them, clearly the antique leather hadn’t received a wipe over and condition in a long time. 

‘I can’t believe that Angeal, Zack and Cloud started a trend,’ Sephiroth said with a shake of his head. 

Lightning sauntered over to him with a sly smile and sat on his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and brushed the tip of her nose against his. 

‘What are my orders, sir?’ Lightning purred. 

‘Go put something else on,’ Sephiroth replied and Lightning chuckled. 

‘Ruthless, aren’t you?’ 

‘Just go and change.’ 

The Saviour sighed and shook her head at him before she disappeared behind the velvet curtain once more. 

‘It looks good on you.’ 

‘Better than it does on them?’ 

‘That’s debatable,’ Sephiroth replied with a smirk. 

‘You really are ruthless,’ Lightning chuckled. 

Sephiroth’s small smile dropped completely once Lightning walked out in a shin length pink dress and a burgundy bolero, a cord choker was wrapped around her neck and tied in a small bow, a thick silver bangle sat on each wrist. 

His bright green irises burned with such a fury unlike anything Lightning had seen before. His hands began to ball into tight fists as he resisted the urge to scowl. 

‘Take it off.’ 

‘Why? It’s cute.’ Lightning questioned. 

‘Get out of it.’ 

Lightning crossed her arms and stared at him with annoyance. 

‘The horrendous garbs that I showed you before had a better reaction than this one did. You were even amused with the one just before this one. Why is this one so different?’ 

‘That dress makes me want to kill you.’ 

Just as Lightning went to ask why, a couple walked past the store. 

The brunette young woman stopped to admire the outfit. 

Lightning noted that she was wearing the exact same thing. 

The spiky black haired man stared at Sephiroth before his face lit up with recognition. 

‘Hey Sephiroth, I didn’t expect to see you here,’ the man said. 

‘Hello Zack. It’s good to see you again,’ Sephiroth said with a small smile and it dropped once he looked at the woman beside him, ‘Aerith.’ 

‘Sephiroth,’ she replied with the same amount of venom that the One-Winged Angel had used with her. 

Lightning and Zack stood there and watched the malicious staring contest take place. 

Zack saw the way the Saviour looked at Sephiroth for answers. 

Aerith crossed her arms and continued to glare at Sephiroth, she completely ignored Zack’s poking and prodding. 

He looked up at Aerith and tried to get her attention. He frowned and looked away from the loathing that practically radiated from her gaze. 

Lightning looked over at Zack in the hopes that he would help shed some light on the situation. 

‘Sephiroth, Aerith, stop acting like children. It’s been five hundred years already,’ Zack scolded. 

‘What happened?’ Lightning asked. 

‘It’s a long story. I would’ve hoped that at least someone would have gotten over it by now,’ Zack replied and glared at both Sephiroth and Aerith accusingly.   
Zack continued to glare at the both in them in the hopes that one of them would relent. When nothing happened, Zack pouted and grasped Aerith’s arm. 

‘It… was great seeing you again. Make sure you tell Genesis and Angeal I said hi,’ Zack said with his usual, cheerful smile and dragged Aerith away from the store. Lightning sighed and placed one hand on her hip. 

‘Fine, I’ll take it off,’ Lightning relented and then headed back into the change room. 

‘Thank you,’ Sephiroth replied. 

‘So what’s with the animosity between you and her?’ Lightning asked. 

‘She tried to stop me from destroying the world, and so I killed her,’ Sephiroth replied. 

‘Well, that’s good to know,’ Lightning muttered. 

Lightning emerged from the cramped dressing room in her usual outfit and she knelt down to pick up her sword and shield. She strapped the red shield to her left forearm and returned her sword to its place on her back before she stood up again. 

Lightning looked down at Sephiroth who still sat in the chair. By the amused half-smirk that was slowly creeping onto his face, Lightning could tell that he was going to say something that would make her wish she could walk away and leave him to his own devices. However, judging from what everyone who knew him had said about Sephiroth, she decided that it was a bad idea to let him wander by himself. For all that she knew, another town could possibly go up in flames if she did. 

‘If you say anything about how what I’m wearing is impractical-’

‘I didn’t say anything. You said that,’ he replied. 

Just as she feared, his smirk had gotten wider. 

‘Two words. Chest straps,’ Lightning retorted and made a show of flickering her eyes down to his chest before she stared into his eyes. 

‘It was PR’s idea.’ 

‘And obviously you liked it if over 500 years later, you still have your chest exposed,’ Lightning countered. 

Sephiroth chuckled and shook his head at her. ‘Say what you want, I think we both prefer to look intimidating and irresistible at the same time.’ 

‘You? Irresistible? Don’t make me laugh,’ Lightning said and placed one hand on her lip as she looked away from his face, the way his eyes shimmered because of that mischievous smirk he wore almost made her want to continue staring at him. 

‘You’re still here, aren’t you?’ he asked. 

‘Only to stop you from killing that woman again,’ Lightning retorted. 

Sephiroth hummed in amusement before he got out of his seat. ‘Been there, done that. I’d rather annoy the Saviour. Genesis is far too easy to rile up, Zack’s more annoying than anyone I know, Angeal can deal with both Zack and Genesis without even sighing and Cloud’s not my biggest fan.’ 

‘Well… that last one really is your fault though,’ Lightning said. 

‘Oh, stop acting so high and mighty,’ he replied and placed his thumb underneath her chin. He turned her face back towards his as he leant down and gazed at her with the very smirk she tried to avoid still on his lips. ‘Leave that charade for when you talk to Bhunivelze.’ 

‘On that note, are we ready to go?’ Lightning asked with a roll of her eyes. 

Sephiroth gave her a nod and they both headed out onto the street. 

‘Thank you for your time,’ Sephiroth said to the shopkeeper. 

They took a couple of steps away from the store before Sephiroth stopped her. 

‘Why are we stopping?’ 

‘We need to put our earpieces back in?’ 

‘Oh right,’ Lightning replied and Sephiroth opened the rucksack before he handed her the earpiece. 

They both put their earpieces back in and Sephiroth fixed the way his hair sat around his ears. 

‘Are you two done yet?’ Hope questioned. 

‘We should probably get moving,’ Sephiroth agreed. 

‘I guess you’re right. Come on,’ Lightning replied and poked him in the elbow again. 

The tempting scent of coffee and fresh bread that still lingered lured both of them out of the Northern Plaza. 

Lightning intertwined her fingers with his and shook her head at him. She lightly tapped his ribs with her free hand after he had nudged her shoulder with his. She released his hand and then began to saunter away from him. 

Sephiroth chuckled at her as she looked over her shoulder back at him. 

Hope sighed with annoyance as Sephiroth followed Lightning up the stairs to wander through Luxerion together. 

Though the world was ending and both the Saviour and the One-Winged Angel weren’t sure if they’d survive this, it was damn nice to have someone by their side.


End file.
